The Perfect Mug of Tea
by JulietGivesUp
Summary: America drops by England's house for a visit only to find himself warped into learning how to make the "perfect cup" of tea. Next thing he knows, he's having a jolly good tea party with dear Iggy and his magical friends. OneShot. Not a USUK or anything like that, just good old family bonding. Featuring Melodramatic!England.


**Just a quick, little story I scribbled down on a piece of paper somewhere while enjoying a nice mug of tea. Yeah, I said mug. Cup of tea is too overused in my opinion.  
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**The Perfect Mug of Tea **

It was yet another day in the life of England. The rain was drizzling serenely outside, the house was warm, and best of all it was time for the Englishman's afternoon tea. What a more perfect atmosphere to curl up and read while taking in the delicious aroma of his favorite cup of tea. It was too bad America just had to barge in at the wrong time and place complaining about how hot and dry it was on his side of the earth. The nerve of that nation plopping onto his couch with his muddy shoes rambling on and on about peculiar, nonsensical topics!

As good luck would have it for the American, England was in no mood to put up his grouchy attitude. He was too far out into his Zen mode, courtesy of Japan and China for teaching him, to be bothered by his former's idiocy. Nope, it was all sunshine and happiness today – err, minus the sunshine of course.

"Hey Iggy, are you alright? Usually you'd be biting my head off by now or booting me outta here," America grinned playfully. The only reason he ever went to the United Kingdom was to pester the old lunatic after all. Those peace and serenity sessions with Japan and China must've really gotten to him, but hopefully England wasn't too Zen out to not save a flicker of emotion at all. Oh god, America hoped not. What else would he do for fun when he was bored out of his mind back in the States?

"Yes, I'm absolutely smashing. Thank you for asking…," the choppy blonde haired nation smiled, although from his expression, it looked menacing and creepy. And that's to say that he's been practicing his happy smile these past few weeks. England couldn't help but suppose that he was born with the permanent scowl on his face, thus it was somewhat of a challenge to lift his cheek muscles up.

Picking up a clean rag, England scrubbed the muddy boot stains off his previously shiny wooden floors. Thankfully it didn't get onto the carpet…

"Umm America?"

"Yeah, dude?"

"Will you make yourself useful and prepare my tea? I was about to make some when you bloody interrupted- uhh… unexpectedly dropped by for a visit."

"Sure thing, bro. Hold on right there and I'll get back with your disgusting... ly…._disgustingly delicious leaf water_," America finished quickly before scampering off to the kitchen.

Once he got to the cooking area, the nation lazily picked up a mug, filled it with water, and popped it in the microwave for about two minutes or so. He _hated _waiting, it made him bored and right now, in England's dreary old house, making tea was the most unexciting thing in the whole world. The microwave didn't even come to a complete stop before America took it out and added the tea bag he found amongst the eye of newt and pixie dust in England's shelf. He stirred in some milk and walked off.

"Here ya go," America shoved the drink at England hastily. The Brit eyed the mug hesitantly wondering what on earth possessed the American to put tea in such a thing. _Kids these days._

"Now can we do something fun? I dunno, maybe Monopoly or something? I mean, gosh, there's nothing to do here and I'm really, really bored!"

"We'll see, America." England took one sip and his whole world instantly came crashing down like a million shards of a broken vase. It was like the life was sucked out from him by drinking this one cursed beverage. The experience couldn't possible compare to all the times he was picked on when he was but a tiny tot, or that miserable time he had spent hiding from the Bishop because he decided to grow his hair like France only for it to be cut short to the way it was. No, this was a worse. Much, much worse.

"What the bloody hell is this bloody awful drink! You call this tea?" he screamed in America's ear. Months of Zen had completely worn off because of America's tea. "Huh? Do you call this tea!" England pushed the cup on the befuddled nation's face, "Answer me when I'm talking to you, lad! You call this atrocious concoction _tea_?

In which America replied with a squeaky, "Yes, England, sir."

"Bollocks!" The mug flew and shattered against the flower printed wall scaring America even more. England must have finally lost it and got possessed by a tea loving demon for him to act like this. America knew. He's watched many movies – documentaries (he insisted) about the horrible occurrences when one was controlled by an unfathomably angry spirit. Next thing you know, England could be crawling up the walls with a mad look in his face. Well…the mad look was already there.

America was about to do what any other sane person would do in the situation – no, he wasn't going to open an obviously ominous door or even play the hero, for that matter. He was going to do the most rational thing: run away from the homicidal Brit.

Unfortunately for him, England got him by the ear and dragged the poor fellow back to his evil lair. America peeked a closed eye expecting the fires of hell to suddenly engulf his body, but to his great surprise it was just the kitchen.

"Now show me how to make _proper _tea," normal England commanded. He wasn't in that cracky Zen mood anymore, or in that monstrosity for tea persona. It was just normal, stingy England with the exceptionally enormous eyebrows of an Englishman.

"A-Alright…just don't do that whole freaky tea lover bit. Scary as hell, man." America proceeded to get another mug from the cabinet and filled it with tap water. He was about to put it in the microwave again when he received a painful slap in the back of the head.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?"

The Brit stared at him unamused. "Don't be lazy. Get a kettle and fill it up with water."

"But that's like the whole point of a microwave. This isn't the sixteenth century, England," the man whined. England in turn, gave him a stern expression and pointed at the kettle as if America was like a little child again who needed to be yelled at to clean his room.

America must have felt that way too for he grudgingly filled up the stupid pot halfway and set it on the stove. "Yes daddy," he mumbled.

"Now listen, America. In order to make the perfect cuppa, you _must _keep the temperature to a decent 96°C or 205°F, in your standards."

America rolled his eyes before England could catch it. They waited a painstaking fifteen minutes before the older nations deemed it was exceptional. He got out his prized china set and his beloved porcelain teapot.

"I've had this way before you were even born," he told America petting the smooth, slippery surface like it was some ritual. "I love my china."

The dirty blonde couldn't resist a small snicker.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing…" He looked away and tried to appear innocent. _England and China sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love then comes se-_

That was as far as he could go before England snapped him back to reality, urging him to pour the hot water into the teapot. Once he did, England picked it up, gave it a little swirl, and discarded the water in the sink. America gaped.

"Here fill it up again," Eyebrows ordered giving him the empty kettle.

"B-But, but…you threw away the water."

"I can see that, Captain Obvious."

"But what was the whole point of that?"

"Honestly America, your lack of common sense baffles me. It's to make the teapot warm, obviously!"

"Uhh…but why-"

"Stop with the questions and boil more water!" England snapped at the nation.

Thus, they waited another fifteen minutes… and then the tea water was poured. Next came the tea leaves. America randomly selected a teabag from England's cupboard and his hand was immediately smacked away.

"No, no, no, no, no. No! That simply isn't done!"

America rubbed his throbbing hand from the Brit's quick smack. _Dear lord, what is it now?_

"That's Yunnan tea! Don't you that that's for breakfast? Ugh, well of course you don't. Get the Darjeeling, if you would please."

Without any clue, the nation stared back at England uncertain what to pick up. He was returned an unamused expression before the Brit finally pointed it to him. "Ohh! I see, I see… 'kay! Let's get this tea going!"

The representation of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland frowned and shook his head. "You're forgetting to smell the tea leaves. Make sure that it is worthy for this teapot and our consumption," he lectured seriously. America, not wanting to argue with the Tea Expert any further, sniffed the leaves and gave an approval thumbs up.

He wearily let England drop the tea leaves 'ceremoniously' (and even included an extra tablespoon _for the teapot_. Yeah, like the teapot was going to enjoy tea time too) before he ordered another three minutes of waiting, "to let the leaves settle and infuse with the water for the perfect flavor."

After what seemed like another century had passed, America found himself playing along in England's posh tea party. In all honesty, the man must be mad! He even forced him to wear a suit with a lopsided bowtie. And _of course_ Flying Mint Bunny was there along with several of England's fairy friends. The Duke of Unicorns and Lady of the Lake were seated right beside him on the empty chairs while England made fair conversations with them.

"Hand me your cup, America." In which America had to comply. The Brit poured the tea over the strainer to capture the tiny, little leaves.

"Hey England, why don't you just strain the whole thing from all the leaves so you don't have to do that with every cup? I mean, it's a whole lot easier-," America commented before being interrupted.

"Because I am _British_ and I _can_. It's a British thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Yeah, but-"

"Shut up. Now, is it one lump or two?"

"Eight," America replied humorously expecting the Brit to spaz out.

"Hmm…I suppose everyone has their own preferences," England said evenly dropping eight sugar cubes onto America's tea._ Darn it!_

"Milk?"

"Whatever…"

America picked up his cup (_not _a mug, mind you) intending to finish the whole thing in one gulp. However one threatening look from Daddy Iggy made him change his mind. He pouted like a toddler and lowered the cup. And so began England's lecture:

"The proper way of consuming a refined cuppa does _not _start by _tasting_ but by relinquishing the wonderful aroma of the brew. Kindly take in the fragrance – no, not inhaling it America! Gently, like smelling a spring rose or – stop fidgeting with the cup! It's not proper for a young man to drop such beautiful porcelain. Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes…"

But of course, you wouldn't want to read the whole lecture just as much as America didn't want to listen. After England's little speech, it was _finally_ time to drink the fucking tea as America would have called it by then. He was about to take a sip when lo and behold, he was reprimanded once again.

"Damn it! What the hell is it this time? I've done every god damn thing you said! I've followed all the fucking rules! What do you want from me!" America finally snapped and directed his irritation all to England.

"…I was just going to tell you to hold your pinkie finger up like this," he gestured with his tea-holding hand.

America instantly deflated. "But I don't wanna do it," he whined throwing England such a look that could have shamed an adorable little puppy.

"_United States of America, put your pinkie up and drink it like a man!" _

"Awww! But it's girly!"

"Who told you it was girly? The pinkie technique was developed and used by sophisticated, high born nobles who were respected and not at all feminine, every British person knows that. Now drink your tea before it gets cold or I will send you on a time out, young man!"

Nineteen-year old America drank his tea like a good little boy, although hating every drop of it in his mouth. He was more of a coffee person, and truth be told, that was the real reason why he trashed England's tea into Boston Harbor back in 1773. Ahh…those were the good ol' days, dressed up as a badass Indian and throwing all those stupid crates overboard.

It was a silent moment for the two. Almost sentimental, actually. Neither could remember a time when they were both settled down together in the same house America practically grew up in, quietly enjoying a cup of tea. America caught himself lost in the moment and broke the mood.

"I reckon, now you want me reciting Shakespeare quotes?" he joked, nudging England's arm playfully. He meant nothing of it of course, but the other man took it to heart.

"Yes, that would be quite nice actually."

_Oh great! The way England is looking at me…I just can't say no. No. No America, don't do this. Just because your old man wants it doesn't mean you have to do it. When was the last time you actually sucked up to a country? Never! It's not that hard. Just say-_

"If music be the food of love, play on," he replied smoothly earning a clap from England.

"Marvelous! I'm so glad for making you watch all those plays with me when you were little." America sank back on his chair miserably thinking about those wasted days reading and watching theater rather than hunting with the other kids.

"You've got to be cruel to be kind," England quoted his face lighting up. He gestured to the American.

"Such stuff as dreams are made..." _I want to get out of here!_

"Quality of mercy is not strained," the nation countered.

"Off with his head." _I wish I could cut off __**his**__ head and bury it under the sofa. _

"You can't have too much of a good thing." _You got that right, I was just out to bug England and got more than I asked for. It's terrible!_

"Green eyed jealousy," America randomly popped up while glaring at England to just shut up. The Brit took it as a hint and looked dejected. America felt guilty about it, but was a little happier inside.

"Good riddance!" he affirmed. Unfortunately for him, that was also a Shakespeare quote and England's eyes lit up hopefully.

"For goodness sakes! Just stop!"

"Terrific! That's a Shakespeare line too!" America collapsed on the couch, utterly defeated. He didn't know whether England was doing this on purpose, teaching him a lesson on how being annoying affected other people other than himself. He gave up and sulked, probably not the most heroic thing to do, but it was something he did as a child until England stopped being a big meanie.

The emerald eyed blonde paid him no heed, smirking once in a while from his achievement. That would show the fool not to mess with him anymore.

_**Alternate Ending:**_

"Ahh… ambrosia!" England sighed looking back at the amazingly silent America, "Now how about that game of Monopoly?"

America's eyes lit up like a four year old as he went to fetch the board game.

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**Author's Notes:**

**1. I'm not British, specifically English like Artie over here, but I do enjoy a nice cup of tea whenever I can, although I use a mug not a cup. This story was actually inspired by a wonderful young woman who was teaching her kid how to make a meticulously 'proper' cup oftea. By the end of it all, the poor kid was red all over from the smacks he got from his mum. Poor kid...  
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******2. Yes, I know for a fact that Brits don't actually hold their pinkies up when they drink tea. Just playing with the stereotypes here. Oh and as for the mug instead of a cup, I'm not so sure if that's common or not (probably is, I'm being stereotypical again, I apologize). As for the Shakespeare bit...no comment. **

**3. Funny enough, I actually tried making tea like this but I used Chai instead of Darjeeling or the traditional Black Tea. It was delicious nonetheless, but it was annoying to have to wait so long for something I could just heat in the microwave and use a teabag for. I don't know...? To all you Brits out there, or anybody really, how do you guys make your tea? Do you really take it seriously like England, or prefer to make it the easy and lazy way like America and I?  
**


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